I always thought that life is better off alone, why? because you'll never know what other people want. That's why I still wish for a mind-reading power. So in regards of that, having friends sometimes will make you spend more. Let say, from place A to place B is actually in a walking distance, but then your friend is not a 'walker' type person. So you have to ride a bus or even a taxi for that distance.
Sometimes I do wonder, I hate economics and I'm not an economist, but why in the world I think so 'economistically', wait a minute, is that even an English word? I sometimes think that the way I'm thinking is too economic. There's always a correlation and combination of cost and benefit.
But last night, I just realized what's missing in that formula. That is the price of "COMPANIONSHIP". As an Introvert, I do sometimes found extra energy in loneliness rather than in crowdy-ness (yeah, I keep on making new words).
I walked before through the same road with a friend (should I mention your name Rin?), but last night when I walked alone, it really is feel that the distance is farther than before. But I can swear to God that the distance that I went through is the same.
This is where the element of COMPANIONSHIP kicks in. There's the role of "other people" in your life, as a companion for you. As much as you claim yourself as an introvert, there are some points when you're caught off-guard. Left your smartphone, left your iPod, left your laptop, and finally there's no more "friends" in your life to accompany you.
Time that we've been through could be the same, 24 hours. But the quality of that 24 hours will be so vastly different depends on who you're spending it with. 2 hours can last very long if you spend it with someone you don't like. But 2 hours with a friend with good companionship could feel like only 5 minutes, and suddenly time flies and you want some more.
Having someone in your life does add cost to your economic calculation. It could be in form of friends, spouse or even relatives. An introverted person or a loner is actually not a person who don't want to create a relationship with other people, they just haven't found the right person yet. Sometimes the biggest problem of an introverted person is that we're too afraid to try.
Life really is about taking risk, but sometimes risk are there to calculate and the weight of 'comfort-ness in current condition' is way to big than the risk that I should take. It really is just like the theory of how I don't like Batik. I really should never say never. The problem is not about the un-willing-ness to try, but to find a motive that suits me is not easy. I still believe that some motive in Batik shirt can make you look older.
My biggest jargon is always, "Live life to its fullest" but I do sometimes think that I hold back a lot because I'm not willing to take risks. Afraid of heart-ache, afraid of betrayal, afraid of back-stabbers, so many fear in life. Why... why can't I read minds???
The way I put everything into a logical sense is that, "I always do everything for my self" or in that matter, "I live for me". Some people do say that it's just a justification about everything I do, but I guess that's so true. That is the way I survive from all the fear I have in life so I don't feel pain when someone hurt me so bad. I never do things for someone else, everything I do is for my own purpose and goal. Even though it may seem like I did it for someone else, but believe me, I always have the reason for my self and the for other people may come as the second reason.
Wow, now I've read it all over again... I seems like a super-self-centered person. hahahaha.... it might as well the world is rotating around me and I'm the SUN.
But then again, life is a battlefield and if it's my means to survive the battle, then, so it be. Hahaha...
Human is sometimes said to be a homo homini lupus when we try to describe of how a man is actually capable of. I do believe that, but deep inside, a man not only capable of destroying another human being but they are also as capable to love and caring for another person. So It's not that I want to be alone in this life, but just like Justin Bieber said, "Never say never"
The main issue is to find the right person who can give you the right companionship in this life. We just have to keep on trying to do so till our time in this earth finally over and we'll end to the eternity silence. That will be the time when we really have to sleep alone on our own until the resurrection day.
Until that day come, let me fix this cost and benefit analysis that we all may have, especially you, Introverted fellows!!
There are cost to have friends and it's not always about money. It could also be in form of effort, tears, hard work, sadness and all the nine yards. But if you can pass that cost you have to made, you'll finally be able to see the benefit of having friends in your life, COMPANIONSHIP and believe me, it's the kind of benefit you cannot buy cheaply.
The biggest cost you only have to make is to give up your shell of defense and open your vulnerability to accept others in your life. You might hurt a bit (or more), but eventually you'll find the right person that you find worthy of all the cost you've spent.
Never say never in your life, you just haven't find the right one yet. Just keep on trying, and you'll know the difference in walking alone and walking together with a good friend.
Here to those whom I'm proud to call them my Good Friends!!
image source:
http://internationalliving.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/1/files/2009/04/Love-and-companionship-abroad-300x199.jpg
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