Maybe I live way too long in my comfortable side of life that I don't want to get out. The story of my life before fifth grade is long gone because I can't remember the whole story of it, so if you ever came from that part of the memory, I hope you can introduce yourself once again to me, because I hardly remember, unless you've met me again after my fifth grade.
I've asked about this issue to a psychologist, but he told me that as long as I'm happy in my present life, it might be normal though it may be a sign that there was a trauma that block my mind from remembering a bad thing.
I live my life quite easy after that. I've graduated from my high-school and entering the State-College of Accountancy on my first try. The school-fee is paid by the government and after that, I don't have the hard time of looking for a job because I directly join the Ministry of Finance of Republic of Indonesia and became a civil servant.
In that time, I remember I had one rejection, but not actually a rejection because I did actually manage to through the qualification to continue my education through a scholarship back to the State-College of Accountancy to get a degree equal to Bachelor degree. But the policy at that time won't allow me to do so and based on the restriction at that time, I fail to continue my education. But a year after that, I tried again to join the University of Gadjah Mada in Yogyakarta and guess what, this time no rejection and I smoothly pass through the qualification, get a scholarship and I get my bachelor degree after two years.
The next is I apply for the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy, National University of Singapore after the office-policy allowed me to apply. Again, on the first try I pass the qualification and here I am without to many hassle and dazzle of life, no drama no tears. The story that keeps coming to me is about how hard is getting job these days, how hard is getting a scholarship especially an overseas one.
Well, I never did go through the hardship of looking for a job, and I never knew how to handle a rejection very well because in my life, I barely got rejected. That's why I always believe in first try and I might never want to try for the second time. After graduating, I not only guaranteed having a job, but I was obligated to come back to my job because of the bound that bind me due to the scholarship.
That take me back to the last message of the Leadership class regarding "Putting yourself out there and keep challenging your safe zone" as that is what "life" is all about.
But if you really ask about what's in my mind, everyone that know me well will tell you that I'm empty in my head, like for real. I don't even know the name of my Minister two months after he's in position. So, No I'm not a super smart person and I hate math like very much!
During one session in the Leadership class, we did a meditation and we're imagining a story of travelling in a beach and hiking to a hill. During the session we were asked t o imagine a bag full of stones and every stone is representing the weight that weight us down in this life. Either I'm not concentrating enough or else, I don't know, but when I open my "imaginary bag", there's nothing in there, no stones. It's empty.
I feel like an empty headed person for real.
So, back to the topic. Few weeks ago I apply two internship for the Institute of Water Policy and an Research Assistant job. I think, that's the first two job application I ever sent in my life. I experience a job interview for the IWP and I realize that it didn't going very well as I expected. Maybe the nerve finally get to me.
a week later (approximately) I got my first ever Job-Application-Rejection, the IWP rejected me. The day after that, I got the second rejection from my Research Assistant application even before an interview process. DARN IT... two in a row for like ever in my life... hahaha...
But hey, it doesn't feel bad... and the world didn't collapsing over me. It does give me a lesson of life though, maybe life is not as easy as what I had in my mind and finding a job might be really hard out there. I am just so lucky to ever had a secure job in my hand.
It might feel like an in-denial person, but I do love my job and I can't see my self working in a hostile environment where it full of competition among the employee. One of the suggestion that I keep hearing is, "I'm not cunning enough"
But rather than seeing the world that way, I would prefer to see the world in my own way. In this moment, my career movement is might be slow and my salary might not be as big as those who worked in the private sector. My job is might not as challenging as those in private sector and the thing is, I'm not that hungry for that either. I have seen my light in the end of a tunnel and I decided to walk through that direction, as it is now. It might be slow, but I think I look that as building my foundation rather than keep complaining about it.
So, I will keep pursuing my dream through the path that I've decided to go through long time ago and will adapting towards the evolving of the time. I might not ever applying for another job. But during my time here, I would love to taste a whole lot of another rejections from various organizations, so I can learn better to cope with rejection in life. Well, who knows among all those rejection I will find one job that will give me extra money during my time here.. hahaha...
But one thing I know for sure, Challenging your safe zone is always comforting to know that you had a cushion when you fall. Though this might be still not in the category of 'challenging your safe zone' but hey... life is for fun and don't make everything is about an effort to reach it, at some time we should just sit down, enjoy what we have at the moment and to actually thanking God for it...
Good things will happen to good people. So rather than keep pursuing the good things in life, I just focusing all my energy to be "The Good Guy" and surely good things will come to me... somehow, I choose to believe that....
:)
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